More Than Mum

Photo A Day | Day 15

2012-01-15T02:32:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 15

"Happiness"

My favourite peeps in the whole wide world.

Ok, so Madden doesn't look too happy here, he looks like he'd run a million miles if his little legs were able to carry him.

Photo A Day | Day 14

2012-01-14T16:50:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 14

"Something you're reading"

Dug up one of my old Uni texts for Philosophy {A compulsory subject for Archaeology!} to help get rid of the haziness.

Photo A Day | Day 13

2012-01-13T16:55:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 13

"In your bag"

Totally boring and very mumsy. Nappies, dummies, wipes, lollipops for the bigger kids, hand sanitiser, iPhone, USB, purse, keys, lip gloss, sunnies and ointments for Madden.

Photo A Day | Day 12

2012-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 12

"Close Up"

My brush...

Photo A Day | Day 11

2012-01-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 11

"Where you sleep"

Photo A Day | Day 10

2012-01-09T16:17:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 10

"Childhood"

Reliving my childhood isn't something I enjoy doing very much. My most treasured childhood memories are all with my Nana ♥

I still have these toys she gave me when I was little. The Mr Doo Bee is from the TV show Romper Room. The teddy bear, named Chocolate, Nana gave me for my first Christmas in 1981. Isla has claimed ownership of them both.

Photo A Day | Day 9

2012-01-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 9

"Your Routine"

I always say I should drink more water, and for once I'm actually doing it.

Photo A Day | Day 8

2012-01-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 8

"Your Sky"

It had just finished raining when I got home from the Dr's with Madden. I love this weather.

Party On.

2012-01-07T03:14:00.000-08:00

With Isla's birthday being in the middle of school holidays I held little hope that anyone would be able to make it to celebrate with her. She loves parties oh so much, and this year asked for a Littlest Pet Shop party.

So, when she turned seven yesterday I finally got my act together and started making things for her party, which we had today.

Lots of pink. Lots of pets. Lots of fun.

This is the 2nd time I've ever used fondant, and the last time was an epic failure, so I had very low expectations for this time 'round. By the time we were ready to cut the cake and sing Happy Birthday, it had gone a bit slimy and weird from the humidity, but the kids loved it.

I told them there was a surprise inside, and one little boy was certain the surprise was fire...although he was a little disappointed the whole thing didn't erupt when it was cut, he was mildly impressed with the rainbow inside, but still declared, "I hate cake". Boys.

Photo A Day | Day 7

2012-01-07T02:45:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 7.

"Favourite".

Easy.

Patrick Stump. I will never not love this man. Ever.

And he even has a song called Allie {who cares about the spelling, right!}.

Photo A Day | Day 6

2012-01-06T02:42:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 6.

"Makes you smile".

Sleeping baby Madden. Just about outgrown his basinet.

Nawwww.

Photo A Day | Day 5

2012-01-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 5

Something you wore.

My pandora bracelet.

My late Mother In Law gave me this a few years ago for Christmas. I have no idea where the rest of my charms are, lost forever most likely, or in the bottom of a toybox {where I seem to find everything that becomes lost!}.

Initial charms for each of the kiddo's ♥

Photo A Day | Day 4

2012-01-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 4

Letterbox.

Wobbly old letterbox has seen better days. Definitely better than today, because Ian managed to hit it twice with his truck {and has the nerve to question my driving skills!}.

Photo A Day | Day 3

2012-01-03T02:15:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge - Day 3.

Something I adore.

I just love my flying pigs. My Nan bought them for my 20th birthday. I saw them in a shop one day and fell in love with them.

Everyone else hates them, which I think makes me love them even more ♥

Photo A Day | Day 2

2012-01-02T01:57:00.000-08:00

Photo A Day Challenge for January - Breakfast.

Not a breakfast kind of gal. The thought of food before 10am makes me uneasy.

Ham + cucumber sandwhich on multigrain for my "breakfast" today.

Yum.

Photo A Day | Day 1

2012-01-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

I did this years ago, and I don't think I lasted past 3 weeks {possibly not even that long}. Am determined to give it a proper go this time 'round.

So, the lovely Chantelle at Fat Mum Slim has created this Photo A Day challenge for January.

Ready?

Let's go!

Day 1 - Me.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T03:46:00.000-08:00

Say reindeers!

2011-12-22T04:33:00.000-08:00

I really should have made Isla sit with Santa on her first and second Christmas.

I found all the "old" Santa photo's tonight and sat reminiscing about how much things have changed since Isla entered the world in 2005.

I look at the photo of her from 2007 and I would never have thought she'd have a little sister AND a little brother.

And the photo from 2008 where Harper wasn't even a month old.

I love the latest photo of the three of them, even though Madden looks like he's levitating. It's the first photo of Harper smiling. My three babies ♥

Amazing.

dovely.

2011-12-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

We made these dove garlands today. So pretty, so simple. White A4 paper and string.

The girls are loving all the decorations around the house as well as spending the time together making them.

Time to start on the Xmas baking now I think....

It's beginning to look a lot like....

2011-12-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas!

We're getting into to christmas mode in a big way in this house and making lots of stuff ourselves. It started out as an OT idea for Isla, and snowballed from there. I loved unpacking the things Isla made at school last year and putting them up around the house, so hopefully our newest creations will survive years into the future!

Harper, Isla and I made Santa Owl bunting, because owls are our thing. They look so cute hanging around the house.

Isla and I made a special present for her teacher, "Ms T", by hot gluing buttons inside a shadow frame. Isla was at first determined to give the teacher chocolates like all the other kids, not wanting to give something handmade, but finally decided that Ms T would love it, and was so excited to give it to her this morning.

Isla's school held their annual "Carols by Glowstick" on Friday night and the kids had such a brilliant time, well, Madden tolerated it, Harper danced her heart out and Isla was in her element with her friends, laughing, singing and playing. I love that they're still young enough to be swept up in the magic of Christmas ♥

Cannot wait for Xmas morning!

Harper turns three.

2011-11-20T03:16:00.000-08:00

My little blue eyed owl turned 3, so to celebrate, we had an owl themed party.

Such fun.

Happy Birthday Harper-potamus xx

city vs country.

2011-10-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

I am still dreaming about moving to the country.

Ian and I cannot agree on it.

I am desperate to move out of Sydney, I hate it so much.

Sigh.

I found the perfect rental property for us, right where I want to move, which is even more depressing.

One day.

hello there!

2011-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged since February!

My god, so much has happened.

My husband creature and I reconciled.

We have a new member in our family, sweet little Madden who arrived at the end of July. A wonderful little surprise, well, big surprise. I was sick with Labyrinthitis and assumed the morning sickness was part of that. Little did I suspect there'd be a little person growing in my belly when I had a heap of blood tests to find out why I was sick.

So here's his arrival story.

I woke up one morning in what I thought was labour, although having never experienced it, I wasn't entirely sure. The pains started around 4am and were every 7 minutes. At first I just thought they were Braxton Hicks and tried to sleep in between, but they increased in frequency and strength. I showered, got Isla ready for school and I could barely move when they would hit. I messaged Ian and told him to come home, I thought I was in labour, so he called his Dad to come up from Nowra (an hour and a half away) to mind Harper and he came home from work. They were now 4 minutes apart and lasting about 40 seconds. Ian called the hospital and they told us to come straight in. I was 36+1 weeks.

Isla and Harper's births were both c-sections, so Madden's was planned for 39 weeks, on August 15th. When we got to the hospital, I was taken to a birthing room, the midwife wasn't convinced I was in labour. Because I'd had the flu for a few days beforehand, I was dehydrated, so put onto a drip, and strapped to a CTG for monitoring. The sensor to monitor uterine activity (contractions) was up really high where I wasn't experiencing pain, so only registered mild contractions. The midwife was sceptical, and said to leave the trace on for 30 minutes to see if anything developed.

As soon as she left the room I repositioned the sensor and it started picking up the contractions going off the charts immediately. I had such intense pain across my c-section scar, I was really worried it was going to rupture.

A new midwife came on duty, took one look at the trace from the newly positioned sensor and called a doctor immediately. Within a minute an OB was in my room, and they were booking a theatre. Holy crap, we're about to have a baby!

They couldn't find my c-section consent forms, or my blood transfusion consent form, which a different OB had given me to take home the week earlier in the clinic, although none of us could work out why he asked me to take it home. So Ian went home, which is only 5 minutes away, to pick up the forms and let his Dad know that "this is it!".

By the time Ian made it back to the hospital I'd been prepped for surgery and we were just waiting for the wardsman to transfer me. I think Ian was a bit shocked that everything was happening so quickly, we still had a month until he was due to get our shit together. He looked a bit pale and I was worried he was going to fall apart, but thankfully he was great.

Given this baby was such a big surprise, we decided not to find out the sex, we'd like another surprise, so I sat Ian down and made him finally discuss names with me. We only picked Madden as a boys name, and still had nothing for a girl except for middle names.

So we went off to theatre, Ian came in wearing the scrubs and it took me right back to Isla's birth where he sat with me in the anaesthetic bay before I had the GA. It all happened quite quickly. Because everything had been so rushed, we didn't have a camera to take photos or my ipod so I didn't have to hear the theatre noises which are horrible.

Ian held his hands over my ears to block the sounds, and talked to me and kissed my forehead to distract me. I was nausous pretty much the entire time, so the aneasthetist pumped me full of maxalon so I wouldn't be sick. He gave me about 8 doses!

After a few minutes I felt the hardest pushing and tugging and I could barely breathe, then at 1:49pm they said, "your baby is here!". There was a tiny little cry, the baby's voice was soft and gentle. They asked if we knew the sex, and when we said no, the Obstetrician announced it was a boy, and the theatre staff broke out in cheers and applause. Ian couldn't believe it, (I had a sneaking suspicion based on something an ultrasound tech had said a few weeks earlier). It was such a beautiful moment, everyone rejoicing in the birth of our little guy. They held him up briefly before taking him away to be worked on.

I had undiagnosed (although suspected) Gestational Diabetes during my pregnancy, and when Madden was born he struggled a little. After about a minute or two of being worked on by the midwives in theatre, they came to me and said that he was a little floppy and needed to go to special care straight away. They asked Ian to go with him to the SCN but I asked him to stay with me because I was about to freak out.

It took a while to sink in, Ian sat there beaming, so excited that he finally had a little boy. That time I spent with him just soaking it all in was so precious. Ian wasn't allowed in with me during Isla's birth and he was worried he'd freak out in theatre for Harper's birth so my sister came in with me. It was a new experience for us both.

The midwife came back into theatre and said that the SCN wanted Ian there. I panicked, but didn't want our little guy on his own, so Ian left and a nurse came and sat with me and covered my ears to lessen the noise. My uterus wouldn't stop bleeding, and wouldn't contact, so I was given a drug to help it along which made me vomit everywhere, which is really hard to do laying on your back only able to move from the shoulders up. After about an hour I was finally finished in theatre and went to recovery.

A paediatrician came in to the recovery ward to talk to me about Madden. Because of the GD, Madden had really low blood sugar levels. Because of this, and his prematurity, he had hypothermia as he couldn't regulate his body temperature and also had a bit of trouble breathing. They'd given him some medicine to get him back on track and he was stable, but would need to stay in the SCN overnight at least.

Around 4:30pm I was able to see him, Ian took me in my bed to the SCN and there he was in his humidicrib, chubby and gorgeous, sound asleep. Chubby little cheeks, and mouth wide open. I could only open the hatch and stroke his temple, his sweet skin was so soft and warm.

He had a glucose drip for 2 or 3 days, and a nasal gastric feeding tube for about 4 days, then after 6 days in hospital we were allowed to come home, and we've been in a sweet little love bubble ever since, despite the little dude being hospitalised for adenovirus and bronchiolitis and possible pneumonia.

Who would've thought 12 months ago I'd be posting this update - not me, that's for sure!

The girls are doing great. I've just updated Isla's blog for the first time in forever. Harper is still as crazy as ever, and will be 3 in less than a month. All things are in place for an owl party for her, she's so excited, and it gives me more excuses to buy owls.

And what's an update without photos. Here are some of all of us from yesterday.

Now to catch up on months worth of blog reading...

Summer Daze.

2011-02-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

So.hot.right.now.

I know I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again. I hate summer. Hate, hate, hate it.

It was 36 degrees at 9pm last night. The girls and I slept on the loungeroom floor in front of a fan & the portable air con.

Most of the afternoon was spent in the 30cm deep pool under the pergola in the backyard. I think I'll camp out there most of today too. You can see in the photos, my paved area is on a slope, so one end of the pool has about 2 inches of water, the other end is full. But at least it keeps us cool!

Project 52: week 4

2011-02-01T15:14:00.000-08:00

Lettng Go...

2011-01-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

It dawned on me yesterday that still, after all this time, I still have all this pent up anger and venom within me.

This is not how I want to live. With that constant feeling of ...I don't even know how to describe it...a feeling of pure hatred, seeping from my skin.

I know now, that I was upset with the wrong person, and while I am still angry and hurt by the myriad of lies she told, I really can't have those horrible, poisonous feelings anymore. I guess it's something I've always known, but now it just makes more sense.

So here's to a bigger and better life. Here's to moving forward and finally letting go.

Project 52: week 4

2011-01-28T12:47:00.001-08:00

My loves.

2011-01-24T02:43:00.000-08:00

Project 52: week 3

2011-01-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

Me + a little Harp.

Now that's better.

2011-01-19T16:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon I arrived home from a few days away with my sister and the girls down by the beach at Mollymook.

While it was a challenge hobbling around with plaster at the beach, it was still pretty great.

My girls love my sister so much. Everything was Aunty Kate this and Aunty Kate that...I didn't get much of a look in! They're going to be so sad when she goes back to London at the beginning of February.

Our little room looked out at the beach, and at night I lay in bed and listen to the sound of the waves breaking on the shore.

So relaxing.

2011-01-15T03:31:00.000-08:00

This has had me cracking up all day long.

I remember there was a hearing impaired student in my Educational Psychology class at Uni, who had someone in class to sign the lectures to them, and it was absolutely fascinating. In fact, I've often been mesmerised by people signing, it's something I'd love to learn but wonder when I'd actually be able to use the skill?

**Contains swearing**

Project 52: week 2

2011-01-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

Week 2.

Me again, another bleary-eyed late night, make-up-less photo.

Nothing much more to say really.

The foot saga...

2011-01-13T02:06:00.000-08:00

Today I went into plaster.

After an hour I was ready to rip the damn thing off.

I shouldn't complain...

If you look really closely, you can see the fracture. Apparently, as I was informed today, that a tendon in the base of my foot literally ripped off a chunk of bone. You an see it floating there.

Shudder.

So, 6 weeks of plaster to the knee. 6 weeks of crutches.

Means I can't walk Isla to school on her first day back, which is something I was really looking forward too.

Could be worse.

PS Note the horrible heel spur! That's a ticking time bomb!

When do Mums get to read?

2011-01-12T01:41:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling that I won't actually ever finish reading this book.

I bought it before Christmas. I read about 40 pages one night when the girls had gone to bed before I fell asleep on the lounge, book in hand.

Since then, I pick it up every single day with the intention of sitting still for a few minutes and getting stuck into it.

But.

There is so much noise in my house. The girls are so full of energy and life that the minute I sit down, they're on me. Harper climbs me, Isla talks and talks and talks and talks. Or there's a toy that needs fixing, or drinks to be fetched, or books to read to the girls.

I know some Mum's who manage to read a book {or two, or three} a week with children. I envy them so much.

I've given up on reading of a night time, I end up re-reading the same page 100 times, it doesn't sink in.

One day I'll finish you.....

Maybe I should just watch the movie instead?

say a little prayer...

2011-01-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not a religious person, by any stretch of the imagination, but my heart is aching for the people of South East Queensland who have been affected by the flooding.

The stories of lives lost are harrowing. I hope with every part of my being that this is over soon for everyone, and that those who are currently lost, are found safe and well.

It's all so heartbreaking and incomprehensible.

You can donate here.

Ouch.

2011-01-08T01:21:00.000-08:00

I fell down the front step today, dragging a massive cardboard box that was all folded up. Somehow it managed to get under my feet and the next thing I knew I came crashing down with my foot crushed underneath.

X-rays were inconclusive. Have to go back on Monday after a specialist Radiography Dr has reported on them. In the meantime, have some panadol...*swearing under my breath*. I would have thought the Dr would have offered me something with a little more kick to it than that....although he did offer me an injection into the site which I refused on the grounds that I am a massive wuss and the thought of a needle going into that swollen egg of a foot made me quite uneasy.

Oh so painful.

If it's no better in a week I'm off for a bone scan in case the x-ray missed a fracture. Fingers crossed it's nothing.

This pic was taken a few hours ago. It's even more swollen and blue-ish black now. Look how gigantic it is in comparison to my right foot :( Woe is me.

Did I say Owww?

Project 52: week 1

2011-01-07T23:15:00.000-08:00

Simple in theory. Take a photo of yourself every week, for 52 weeks. Too easy.

I bet I last 4 weeks...if that...

Here I am, at midnight, in the dark with no make-up on...terrible photo...but it's me.

Six.

2011-01-06T15:16:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was my little Isla's 6th Birthday.

I can't believe she's six. 6. Unreal. I can't remember life before she arrived, it feels like she's been with me forever, but 6 just sounds so old!

We had a brilliant day yesterday. I promised Isla we'd go to Jamberoo for her birthday, and she had been counting down for weeks and weeks. Every time an ad for the place would come on TV she'd squeal and tell anyone and everyone that that was where she was going to spend her birthday.

We didn't leave until late, we had to wait for Ian to finish work and buy her presents. How bad is that, I completely forgot all about birthday presents and had to ring Ian and ask him to buy something on the way home. I felt absolutely terrible. I think I forgot because she had her party in mid December so her school friends could come, and she was showered in gifts then, plus the Jamberoo trip...anyway, Ian sorted it out.

It started to rain just as we left the house. Brilliant. Showers forecasted for the Kiama region. We figured we'd go anyway, it was a water park and we were going to be wet anyway. It bucketed down when we were 5kms away, but we'd already driven down that far, we decided to keep on going and see what they said at the gate.

I can't believe how many cars were already parked in the carpark. Unbelievable. The rain had stopped and although it was still overcast, it was the perfect.

We spent most of the day at the Billabong beach, sunning ourselves on deck chairs while Isla and Harper paddled in the kiddies pool. Harp was a little uncertain at first, but loved it after about 20 minutes. Isla is my water baby, and didn't stop smiling all day.

We went on the rapid river, Ian went on the speed slide thing, and Ian, Isla, Harper and I went on the Taipan, where I proceeded to scream my lungs out. Poor Harper, it was actually pretty scary, mainly because it was pitch black. As you take off, there's a steep drop before complete darkness, all I saw before the black was Harper's little eyes widen to the size of golf balls...although she said it was fun when we got to the end.

A quick dip in the wave pool with Aunty Kate, and before we knew it, it was 5pm and the park was closing. Isla was sad to leave and asked to go back tomorrow. Harper was almost asleep standing up. We all piled into the car, certain the kids would go to sleep in an instant...but they didn't. Ian, Kate and I had our eyes hanging from our heads, we were exhausted, but the girls just kept on keeping on.

Finally arrived home around 6:30pm, a feast on Crust pizza and watched Ferris Beullers Day Off.

What an awesome day.

oh happy day.

2011-01-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

I've been gone all day. The girls and I.

We left home at 7:30 and drove over the Northern Beaches to visit my cousin and my Aunty {my Aunty was visiting from Tamworth} with my sister.

It's always great to see them. My Aunty is always such a happy person. I love that no matter how down I feel, talking to her can always make me smile, no matter what.

My cousin is due to have her 2nd baby in a few weeks, and has just had renovations done to her home, and they are amazing.

After our visit, Kate and I went for lunch with Isla and Harper at Bronte down at the beach. It was a perfect day for it, sun shining but still a little cloudy overhead just to take the edge off. It was a pity we didn't actually plan our day to include a trip to the beach, Isla was so upset that we couldn't actually go for a swim, but settled instead for jumping over the water at the shoreline {until she fell over and completely soaked her dress, awesome}. Harper on the other hand, absolutely hates sand, so refused to put her feet down once we were off the concrete path. She cried when Isla accidentally flicked some sand on her legs, and spent the entire hour or so we were there clinging to my sister for dear life while sitting on her lap.

After lunch at the beach we called around to visit my Dad, and my girls played soccer with him in the backyard for ages. Poor Pop. As soon as we pull into the driveway, the girls start squealing about playing soccer with him. But, bless him, my Dad has always dropped everything to play with them ♥

Home for chinese dinner and a big sleep; Thursday is Isla's 6th Birthday and we've got another massive day planned.

flowers.

2011-01-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

I was given a huge bunch of flowers today. For no reason.

The 'no reason' is always greeted with a raised eyebrow and a hint of suspicion, but thankfully, they are for no reason. Just because.

I don't know why everyone seems to think that Lillies are my favourite flower, because I really don't like them much at all, yet whenever I've been given flowers, you can bet they've been Lillies and someone's said, "I know you love them". Even my sister, who asked to organise my wedding flowers, filled the bouquet with Lillies, maybe it comes from the wedding....who knows.

But hooray for flowers.

I like you very much so far 2011.

1.1.11

2011-01-01T02:39:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year.

My evening seeing in the New Year was totally uneventful. I spent the time cleaning out the girls 7 toy boxes which were all overflowing, and then watched The Godfather.

Riveting.

We spent today in the pool at my FIL's place down the south coast. Am actually kicking myself for not taking my camera and capturing some of the memories we made today.

Hope everyone had a wonderful NYE & NYD xx

Xmas Day.

2010-12-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone's Christmas Day was as special as ours was here.

For the first time in a long time, my house was full of fun and laughter and love. Everyone was spoilt, I have so much recycling to be collected, the garbage men are going to hate me!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Xmas Polly Dolly.

2010-12-23T15:48:00.001-08:00

I think about 90% of my wardrobe is black, so chances are I'll have some form of black dress on, on Xmas day. Here's my entry in this weeks Polly Dolly challenge, "what will you be wearing on Christmas Day" over at Danimezza.

Merry Xmas by allyfarr featuring rocker shoes

Grey.

2010-12-22T02:01:00.000-08:00

You would not believe how many grey hairs I found today.

I am absolutely gobsmacked, I had no idea I had so many!! And all through my hair too!

And how great to find them at Xmas time when the hairdressers are all full to the brim, and I cannot be arsed doing it myself. Maybe this is a sign that I should do something dramatic and edgy with my hair, given I'm turning into an old woman at a rate of knots.

Way to make a girl feel old!

Spotlight.

2010-12-20T14:30:00.000-08:00

From patrickstump.com

Words cannot express how much I am looking forward to Patrick Stump's first solo album ♥

One Sleep.

2010-12-13T03:06:00.000-08:00

One sleep until my sister comes home from London for Christmas.

Her best friend is having twin girls in January, so she's come back to share the experience with her friend.

I haven't seen Kate since August last year. I've missed her so, so much, I can feel the tears right at the backs of my eyeballs readying themselves for tomorrow night.

Kate and I hated each other growing up, we were complete opposites, but thankfully now that we've grown up, we're really close. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye when she goes back to London in February.

Isla is going to be beside herself. Kate is going to surprise Isla and pick her up from school on her last day on Wednesday, she thinks that Kate is arriving on Thursday, and she's been talking about it for weeks and weeks.

Love you sis xx

Trailer Trash

2010-12-10T14:16:00.001-08:00

I'm entering Danimezza's Polly Dolly challenge again this week, because how could I resist a theme like "Trailer Trash". What fun!

Funnily enough, I know someone who fits this description perfectly!

For me, the most important inclusion in the challenge is the animal print. Enjoy.

Trailer Trash by allyfarr featuring a summer bikini

Green with Envy.

2010-12-02T07:18:00.001-08:00

I haven't joined in Danimezza's Poly Dolly challenges in forever, but how could I resist the green! My favourite colour in the world ♥

While browsing through the pages of green dresses on the Polyvore website, I found a dress almost identical to the wedding dress I originally bought for my wedding. A beautiful mint green knee-length dress with a golden overlay. I loved it so, so much and should never have returned it. For the record, I wore a plain white floor length dress which I hated.

Green with Envy by allyfarr featuring miu miu sunglasses

I have to have this green GHD. Love, love, love it.

Blue eyed owl.

2010-12-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

My crazy little blue eyed owl.

Harper managed to stay still long enough for me to snap a photo with my iPhone yesterday. I love her big, big blue eyes. Look how rugged up she is, and on the first day of summer too.

Oh how I love this red polka dotted jacket. It's almost too small and I find myself squeezing her into it time and time again thinking, "just one last wear"...

Love you Harp ♥

3:17am

2010-12-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

Oh sleeeeeeep! Where are you????

I'm a little over this whole insomnia caper. Truly.

Can I not just close my eyes and dream away like a normal person?

I guess part of it is that I haven't taken my anti-depressants in a week {well, just over I think} and my head is all kinds of mushy. I feel pretty dizzy/lightheaded most days now, like my brain can't keep up with my eyes.

Have stopped taking Lexapro because it didn't help me. Am switching to Effexor in the hope it may help with the anxiety as well as the depression. Fingers crossed it works. I think I start it today...

My blood tests came back last week all clear, great cholesterol level, kidneys are perfect, liver is perfect. I'm a little low in iron {as I always am} but otherwise all good, so need to take Vitamin C and iron supplements. I asked about when to start the Diabex I was prescribed a year ago, as I am insulin resistant thanks to my PCOS. Dr wants to start me on the Pill as well as the Diabex as well as the Effexor. I am going to rattle with all those meds.

How odd to get a clean bill of health yet need to have all these tablets........

The eyes have it...

2010-11-30T01:45:00.000-08:00

Session Two with my psych Kate, today. I was really apprehensive going in, not about seeing her, because she's pretty rad, but more the dread of having to relive everything all over again.

I was a tad concerned when she didn't reach for her notepad to write everything down like last session. She moved her chair and sat directly opposite me so we could talk and I could feel myself starting to panic.

She said, "I want to try something different with you" and started to talk about EMDR. I'd heard of it before, but never really thought it would be an effective treatment. To say I was sceptical was a huge understatement, but I thought, what the hell, it's worth a shot to help deal with the flashbacks etc to do with the PTSD.

So, she moved her chair along side of mine, and asked me to go to any traumatic memory that appears in my flashbacks. I picked the night before Isla was born, where she went into foetal distress and wasn't delivered. It was a horrible, horrible experience, and even just thinking about it is usually enough to have me hyperventilating, breaking out in a rash and bawling my eyes out. With that in mind, Kate asked me to focus on something across the office and began to move her fingers back and forth in front of my eyes.

As soon as she started I thought, "seriously!?..." but after a few seconds of thinking about "that night" my memories started to change. Things sounded muffled, I could see things a lot clearer. I could see my bed and the midwives and Dr's from different angles. It was like watching a movie of "that night" in slow motion.

She stopped moving her fingers and asked me to describe the memory to her. It was so utterly bizarre.

She did it a few more times, and each time, things were clearer in my mind. I could make out the people's faces, the machines and trolleys. I couldn't feel the panic, the sense of disorientation, I just felt like I was watching it happen to someone else. Almost like I was a nurse, standing at the bedside, I was the calm observer, removed from the situation, but still watching what was happening.

Kate then asked me to go to another memory, and I did. I went to the day I had the biggest, horriblest haemorrhage. It was everywhere, I was about 30 weeks pregnant, I was prepped for theatre about a minute after it happened.

She moved her fingers again, and it was similar. I was in the room, but was seeing it from a different vantage point. Up until this point, whenever I thought of this experience, I could still feel the blood on my legs, but not any more. It was the same as my previous memory. I could see it all in slow motion. I couldn't hear the alarms and call buttons, and Dr's and nurses. It was all muffled, all I could make out was "blood on the floor".

Kate then asked me to describe it to her again. Then she asked me to think about it again, but this time, look at things as if I'm looking into the wrong end of binoculars {making things seem further away}. She moved her fingers again, and I could see the corridor of the hospital, the long long corridor and my room door. I could see in, everything was distant. It seemed under control. It was still happening, but I could see the midwives and Dr's handling it. I could feel my eyes get heavy. I could feel my shoulders relax.

Kate stopped and asked me to describe it to her again. This last time she asked me to dim the lights. She said there may be a warm light or it might be completely dark, but to think about it again. I could see myself in the hospital bed, but I could only see right in front of me. The rest of the room was dark. I was in candlelight and could only see the top of my baby bump. I felt sleepy. I felt my neck and shoulders loosen even more. It was like all the panic and the chaos surrounding the incident were taken away to the darkness, and I could see me, just me and Isla's bump.

That's where we left our session. I cannot explain how amazing the EMDR was. It was instant. It was not only an emotional release but physical as well. I have had a sore neck and shoulders all day following my session this morning. All that tension that builds up in my body that I had grown accustomed to is starting to disappear. I felt happy. I felt like it had removed the emotion behind my memories.

Kate explained that the emotion isn't gone forever, that it's still stored in the brain and I can still access it, but it's a coping mechanism to help make the memories clearer and less traumatic.

She warned I might have nightmares tonight, from rehashing it all, and to be honest, I feel exhausted now, but I am so glad to have done this.

If you have PTSD, give it a try. You have nothing to lose.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2010-11-25T02:27:00.000-08:00

in my living room at least.

Today Isla and I put up the Xmas tree.

Surprisingly it wasn't a total nightmare like I had anticipated.

There's about 350 baubles on the tree, but I'm certain I can fit at least another hundred on.

A reindeer has taken up residence in my front garden, and a chain of "Ho-Ho-Ho"'s are hanging by my front door.

I love Christmas so much, and this year it will be brilliant with my beautiful big sis home from London.

Hippo Birdy to Ewe Harper-potamus.

2010-11-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

My sweetest Harper is two today. Two wonderful years full of laughter and cheekiness.

I can't believe you've been here for so long. In so many ways it feels like you're still brand new, and in others it feels like you've been here for ever. I can't remember what it was like before you came into my life ♥

You were born while I listened to Fall Out Boy, and on the same day as Pete Wentz's son...some random trivia for you.

Happy Birthday Harp. I love you more than chocolate.

I have no patience for lactose and I wont stand for it.

2010-11-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

So, I'm lactose intolerant...but it didn't stop me from having a crack at this today...

Chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, a layer of peanut butter and a chocolate biscuit base, covered in hot chocolate fudge and peanuts.

Yum.

I paid the price for it once I got home...

Oh Em Gee

2010-11-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love, love, love Patrick Stump.

Love.

I've been impatiently waiting for his first ever solo album for ever, and it's getting closer ♥

Excitement plus.

For those of you living under a rock and have no idea who this man is, he is the lead singer of Fall Out Boy.

Get on it.

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New psych, new beginnings..

2010-11-16T16:57:00.000-08:00

My first appointment with my new psychologist today. She was awesome, really awesome.

I walked away feeling lighter. I've finally found someone who understands and wants to help. I see her again in two weeks time, and I am really looking forward to it.

We talked a lot about Isla. That was actually pretty much the focus of our session. It's so emotional to think that something as wonderful as the birth of a child can scar someone for the rest of their life. I hate the feeling of Isla's birth and my pregnancy is the cause for so much of my problems {for lack of a better word}.

The psych totally disregarded the idea of PND {thank god, it's a 'label' that's never sat comfortably with me} and confirmed PTSD. Finally, someone acknowledged the flash backs, and memory loss and jumbled sequences for something more than just sadness. Kate, the psych, also agreed with my old psych in that I also have an adjustment disorder {regarding Isla's disability} as well as good old major depression.

But, we're working on a plan.

I can see a feint light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not a freight train.

So all in all, yesterday was another good day. I went straight from seeing Kate to a new hairdresser who was also awesome. Left feeling great, then on to Isla's school extravaganza, where she danced without any assistance at all. She kept up with her classmates and had the most rad time ever. I sat in the crowd and cried and cheered for my little girl, who, for the first time I can remember, was just another kid up on stage ♥

Happy Saturday.

2010-11-13T02:03:00.000-08:00

I had a billion things to do today. And I didn't do any of them...and for once, I don't regret it at all.

In the stifling heat that was today, the girls and I played. We built cubby houses, they ran outside on the lawn. We had water fights with the hose.

Another happy day.

Tonight we went to Fisher's Ghost festival which runs every year near us. The local oval is transformed into a carnival with rides and side shows and show bags. Spent a fortune in ride coupons, but came home with two very sleepy, but very happy little girls.

As I sit here and type this I can hear the fireworks cracking in the sky all the way from the carnival.

Tomorrow is meant to be even hotter out here. Here's hoping for an equally happy Sunday ♥

Today is your day.

2010-11-11T02:19:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. A really good day.

I laughed and smiled like I haven't been able to for such a long time.

Sometimes I think I just need that confirmation that I am important to someone. That I am loved for the train wreck that I am.

It didn't even bother me, that it was so hot and muggy today. I was too busy being happy to sweat the small stuff {pardon the pun}.

Bring on days like today. I could live like this forever ♥

Sorry seems to be...

2010-11-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

How much of your heart do you give someone?

When do you finally say, enough is enough? How much heartache and trauma do you need to endure before you reach the point of breaking?

I write this on the back of something that I think is intended to be an apology from someone I care {or cared, as the case may be} deeply about. Not as a lover, or as a friend, but as someone who treated me like their own child, as a part of my family.

To finally have someone else stand up for me, and set the record straight, was an incredible feeling, and yesterday I was excited and happy. Yes, me. Happy. Unbelievable. After all these years, I was finally being treated right.

But after listening to a message, I don't know what to feel. Maybe it was poorly worded. Maybe I didn't hear it properly {even though I know I did}. Maybe it was their version of an apology? Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt, that what they said wasn't exactly what they meant. Maybe we should all just move on. Maybe I expect too much.

This last point is sticking with me. Maybe it's my expectations. Things will never be perfect again. I know this much is true. I know I cannot open my heart and welcome this person back into my life without some form of proper acknowledgement of what they did and the impact it caused in my life.

Then I wonder, should it all be swept under the rug? Should I just accept that, "this is probably the best I'll get" and move on? Should I settle for what they think is ultimately "good enough"?

I can't. Not while there is any form of connection to the person who literally tried to take everything away from me, and very nearly succeeded. I can't associate with anyone who has anything to do with this "person". That's one thing I will not compromise on, and I don't think I should have to.

What an incredibly cryptic post. Apologies. I'm just trying to get it all out without divulging the whole sordid tale.

So then, is this what I'm doing? Am I being the person that says, "them or me"?. I never saw myself as the kind of person to offer up ultimatums, and it's not the person I want to be either. How do you find a compromise between what is so utterly important and what needs to be done for the greater good, not just for myself but for my little family?

This is hard and my head hurts just thinking about it.

Is it worth another fight? To hear those awful words thrown at me again? Is it wrong to want this other person thrown away like I was? Probably, you know, two wrongs don't make a right and all that crap, but when it's personal, I say caution to the wind...

testing, testing, 1, 2, 3...

2010-11-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

Today was meant to be my glorious child free day, where I planned on a bit of early morning pampering, followed by a long, luxurious sleep.

I finally took one of the new tablets I was supposed to start on last week. Only half. "It'll make you a bit dizzy, then you'll drop off to sleep" assured my Doctor when she gave me the private script for it. You see, on top of my depression, I also have anxiety, PTSD, an 'adjustment disorder' and insomnia. Great combination, right? {No wonder I'm a barrel of laughs}.

So, I took this tablet. 2 and a half hours later I felt wide.awake...and pissed off.

Sometime after 11pm I fell asleep and woke up around 6am. I had such a deep sleep, that when I woke, Harper had come into my bed and I didn't even hear her. The tablets I took caused my mouth and arms to twitch for hours after I woke up. I had the worst cotton mouth ever {worse than when I had Harper and that was horrible}. I felt terribly disoriented and out of sorts for hours.

Instead of my day of luxury, I went back to the Dr to report these side effects. I waited forever and finally saw her. Thought it was probably best to tell her about my foot I hurt a week ago and was still hurting. Oh, and I should probably also mention I've been having those pesky heart palpitations I had a few years ago too.

So, my day was taken up with x-rays, an ECG and blood tests.

Good news is, no fracture in my foot, just ligament damage. ECG shows an irregular beat, she said something about QT interval that saw her call 4 other doctors for information on. And the bloods, well I get them back in a few days.

What a day.

Three little birds.

2010-11-05T04:30:00.000-07:00

I know I showed it on Facebook, but I just still love it so, and am sharing it here too.

This is my newest tattoo.

Three little birds, Isla, Harper and me ♥

Inspired, in part, by the Bob Marley song, Three Little Birds - but, the Brendon Urie cover, of course.

Even though I had this done in September, I have been itching for another since.....something oddly addictive about them...and I keep finding birds to tattoo. Weird.

Re-Inventing the wheel...

2010-11-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

Well, not the wheel, but me.

Why not?

Change is as good as a holiday, so they say. And God knows, I could use it.

With that in mind, in an effort to turn the frown upside-down, I think I'm going to embark on a journey of self discovery {how lame does that sound!?}. I think this is the perfect time..."they" also say that the very definition of crazy is doing the same thing day after day and expecting different results.

blah.

2010-11-03T02:42:00.000-07:00

I think blogland is generally over the doom and gloom that is my little blog these days.

Truth be told, I'm over it myself.

But...I am stuck in this place for however long and debriefing about it here feels almost therapeutic.

I don't know what happens from here. I really don't even know how I get through the day-to-day lately. I am so damn tired all.the.time. I have no interest in anything. I haven't turned on my camera for I don't know how long. I haven't read a book, or gone for a walk...nothing.

I have become ultra obsessed with the house lately, and find myself unable to bear any form of mess/things not straight/toys. The girls wardrobes are all sorted by type and coat hangers finger-spaced.

Night time is the worst. I hate the quiet of the house. I hate having nothing to do but think. I have no attention span for anything. I find myself laying on the lounge with the tv on playing the ipod for hours on end. I have the worst restless legs ever. So bad that I've actually rubbed away skin on my ankle when I'm trying to get to sleep...ah major depression, you glamorous beast.

Like always, there's highs and lows. Ups and downs.

High: My little girls are amazing. A-mazing. Isla is doing so well at school and is such a sweetheart. Harper is becoming more and more grown up everyday, and is always up to something.

Low: I'm averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and it's the pits.

I have 2 new referrals and new tablets to take. I even drove myself to the hospital on Tuesday but just couldn't go in. I know I should. I saw my Dr on Thursday and my K10 was 49. Far out. 49.

Thank-you.

2010-10-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

For all that you are, and all that you do. Thank-you.

A flat day. A 'down' day.

A simple question, "are you okay?". The answer, "I don't know".

I feel like I'm treading water. I'm miles from shore and it's getting late. The stars are starting to come out. I am alone in this world, except for you. And you are the one who is holding me tight, stopping me from going under.

At a time when I'm at my absolute lowest point ever, lower than I even knew it was possible to go. And you are here. You are holding my hand. You are making me smile, making me laugh.

RUOK

2010-10-06T18:20:00.000-07:00

R U OK?

Taken from the above website:
"Thursday 7 October, 2010 is R U OK?Day. A national day of action that aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones.
On that day we want everyone across the country, from all backgrounds and walks of life, to ask family, friends and colleagues: "Are you OK?".
Because staying connected with others is crucial to our general health and wellbeing. Feelings of isolation and being alone are major contributing factors to depression and social issues that can ultimately result in suicide. Regular, meaningful conversations can protect those we know and love.
It's so simple but in the time it takes to have a coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life."

2010-09-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for ages. It's been a crazy, crazy time in my life. So much has happened, some for better, some for worse, but regardless, it has changed my life forever.

It's been a foggy haze for the most part. Dark and gloomy with only the tiniest rays of light poking their way through, as if to say, "we haven't forgot about you. This is the darkest winter we've known, but we're here everyday trying to shine on you, whether you can see us or not".

It would take me too long to explain everything, to rehash it all would probably drag me back to hell, so I guess in this case it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. There's nothing to benefit from bringing it all up, suffice to say that every aspect of my world was completely turned upside down, thrown to the ground and trodden on.

I presume it's safe to say that once you've hit absolute rock bottom, the only way is up. And I will get there, slowly but surely. Day by day.

While everything around me had become disconnected or at very least, disjointed, my two little girls have been the light(s) of my life. Without them, who knows.

Saturday, September 25th was "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day. To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) is a movement dedicated to helping the fight against depression, addiction, self harm and suicide. The idea is to write "Love" on your arm on that day, and help spread the word of TWLOHA, to quote their website, "To Write Love On Her Arms has a mission to show that everyone can love, and to show all those who have even the slightest doubt, that they are not alone".

Sounds pretty good to me.

Bitter + Twisted

2010-07-17T01:48:00.000-07:00

You know, I worry about becoming bitter and twisted. Maybe I already am?

So much has gone on in my life in the past 6 years, and especially the past 3 weeks, that I wonder if I will wake up one day and think, 'fuck it all to hell'?

I can feel myself sliding down, ever so slowly. I wonder how low you have to get before it's noticeable.

I was looking in the mirror the other day, and noticed that I don't have anything that resembles laugh lines on my face, and while there aren't as many worry line wrinkles as I'd anticipated {I don't usually spend too much time in front of the mirror} it made me wonder if it's really indicative of the fact that I haven't really laughed all that much in my life.

I guess the bright side is, that I want to be that happy person that I used to be many many moons ago. I know she's in here somewhere, I just need to find a way to bring her to the surface.

Loss.

2010-07-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning, 5.30am Ian called me. "Get the girls ready, Mum's had a heart attack". She was only 55.

My God.

By the time Ian got to my house, we'd been told she was being airlifted to Wollongong. Another 10 minutes later, Ian received the news that his mother had passed away.

This week has, without question, been the worst week of my entire life.

To stand by and watch someone lose their mother, out of the blue is devastating. To lose my little girls' Nanny is heartbreaking. To lose someone you thought would be there forever is a shock.

We had a typical love/hate DIL/MIL relationship in the past, but my Mother-In-Law, Janine, has been someone I could talk to about anything. I only spoke to her on Sunday. I am so grateful I was able to tell her how much she meant to me then, and at that time, she was, as usual my shoulder to cry on. She was supporting me. Despite everything that has gone on between Ian and I, she never once turned me away. Never once told me I couldn't talk to her. She has been like a mother to me.

Ian and the girls saw her on Sunday. The last thing she said to Isla was "Nanny loves you". I'm so lucky Isla will have that one last memory with her. I'm so upset that my little Harper will never remember her.

Rest in Peace Mum, I will miss you more than you'll ever know xx

Just dance.

2010-07-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

After a stressful 24hrs the girls and I needed to get it all out.

So we danced.

And danced, and danced, until we could dance no more.

Then we laughed.

My afternoon was brilliant. I've never heard so many giggles and squeals of delight. It was as if it all went in slow motion, so I could soak it all up, knowing when I'm old and grey I'll remember the pure joy that today was.

My beautiful girls. My life. My loves ♥

Today is the day.

2010-07-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today is the day where I have had my heart broken, what was left of it anyway..for the last time.

Today is the day that I stand up for myself.

Today is the day where from this point on I will put myself, and my girls first.

Today is the day that I have cried my last tear over you, and what you've put me through.

Today is the day.

dreaming

2010-06-02T05:05:00.000-07:00

I've been having some really strange dreams lately. Like super-crazy weird. And I've been searching for their meaning {if any}...and it's all pretty interesting.

One dream involved hooking up with someone I know who is a lot younger than me. In this dream he said his mother wasn't impressed by our relationship given I have two children. He invited me to his place so he could give me a gift, which was a chair. Doesn't seem so weird but it freaked me right out!

So what's so symbolic about a chair?

Well, according to dreammoods.com, a chair symbolises needing to sit down and contemplate stuff {I am paraphrasing here}. Interesting. Further probing via google also indicated that it could mean I have a problem with my colon. I'll take option one, thanks.

I had just wrapped my head around this thinking, maybe it's true, I have been burning the candle at both ends lately. Then last night I literally woke up screaming.

I had the most awful dream that Ian and I were talking in a parked car at the foot of a hill. Harper was at the top of the hill sitting behind a wooden fence. From the side of the car came this awful growling. I looked out and it was a lion. I panicked, Harper was outside the car....The lion crouched down getting ready to attack as it moved slowly up the hill towards her. I was screaming at Ian to get Harper. Then Harp spotted the lion and ran towards it...then it pounced at her. I screamed and woke up, still screaming.

Awful, awful dream.

Again, I googled it to see what it meant and came up with this: "To dream that you are attacked by a lion, indicates that you have many obstacles to overcome. You must resist the force that is driving you to self-destruction".

Self-destruction. I had only been thinking of this earlier that day. That I seem to stop doing things because I worry that it wont be perfect, so I don't do it at all. Fear of failure and all that.

I have always had such vivid and intense dreams, for as long as I can remember, I'd just rather them not be so scary!

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water, water, everywhere...

2010-05-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

I've spent the past two days photographing water. Why I'm not sure. Maybe because it just keeps on raining?

Either way, I'm a little mesmerised by it. I have 400 images from the past two days.

I have SO much to do and just no inclination to do any of it. I would blame the weather for making me feel this way, but truth be told, I have the same level of enthusiasm regardless of the climate. {Note to self, be less blah!}.

Finally finished one assignment, albeit a week late, and have another 5, yes 5 due...ugh...Double ugh is one of those assignments is on wedding photography...I cannot explain how truly unappealing this is to me.

Bright side though, 3ish weeks left at TAFE. Yay.

It's been crazy.

2010-05-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

I have been swamped.

My brain hasn't had to work so much in such a long time. I've been up to my eyeballs in assignments, and I've almost finished them all...thank god. My mind hasn't stopped ticking over on what I need to do next, it's exhausting!

I did some night photography last week in the city, did some nice shots of the Harbour Bridge & the Opera House, as well as the cityscape. Was actually more fun than I anticipated, but took too many shots handheld so have to go back and re-shoot some of them - am really looking forward to this!

Have whittled down 300 shots to 30 for my Plant Portfolio, I am so sick of looking at plants and flowers - seriously boring stuff...and here's a hot tip for anyone thinking of building a plant portfolio, don't choose a week out from winter to start it - seriously limited choice of flowers to shoot {I've even ventured to TWO Botanical Gardens, as if one wasn't dull enough}.

I am in such desperate need for a day to myself, I can barely think straight. It would usually be tomorrow, but I have to take Isla to Randwick for a pre-Botox/ultrasound/xray check up, so there goes my entire day in commuting. Gah.

Bring on a day off for me....please!!!!!

what a week it's been...

2010-05-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

This week has been horrendous.

Visits to hospitals - 2

000 calls - 1

Xrays - 2

Ultrasounds - 1

GP visits - 3 {4 if you count Sunday}

Miserable children - 2

Miserable Mama - 1

Monday - I am sick with the flu. Go to Tafe, but feel like I'm dying. Come home and find Isla asleep on the lounge. Mum says she's not well. Spend Monday night up with Isla who is flu'y and miserable.

Tuesday - Feel a bit off. Isla is sick with the flu. We still go to the SCH to pick up new orthotics, then off for Isla's abdo xray and kidney ultrasounds. Still feel like crap. Isla has a squeaky voice and runny nose, Harper is still too sick for daycare. Afternoon comes and I am throwing up, have the runs, and a runny nose, sore throat and cough. Tuesday night Isla starts vomiting. Spend all night up with Isla catching spew and doing laundry.

Wednesday - Isla's still sick. Mum comes out to help with the kids so I can catch up on some sleep. Manage 5 hours in.a.row. Thanks Mum. Kids brighten up a little but once the sun goes down Isla gets sick again. Mum has gone home and now she's sick too.

Thursday - Isla is vomiting again. I take us all to the GP at 7.30am. GP says fluids and if she can't keep that down, off to hospital, gives me a script for Maxalon. Get home, Isla has a Hydrolite ice block and tries to bring it up. Off we go to emergency, where we stay for the next 10 hours. I have eaten nothing but 4 crackers on Wednesday morning. They say she has gastro and the flu and a suspected UTI {and possibly an ear infection but they couldn't quite tell}. Chest x-ray confirms something viral, white cells in her wee. She's so sleepy. Wakes up after some sort of anti-nausea wafer asking for 10 ham sandwiches, which they've run out of. I go to the cafe and ask if they can make her one, "only if you want yesterdays bread". Hmm. No thanks. Thankfully someone fills the fridge with fresh ham sangas. She manages to sleep well, so does Harp and I don't remember much of the night so I guess I did too.

Friday - Harp goes to preschool. Isla and I stay home. She seems quite bright. All is well, we're having a great time then I get this pain again. I can't move. It's killing me. It's the worst pain ever. I call an ambulance. Mum's on her way to look after Isla...and then it stops. I have to call and cancel the ambulance for fear they'd turn up and think I was some sort of junkie looking for a hit! Go to the GP again, see an idiot. Ask whether it could be kidney stones, he says no. Fast Forward to this evening, guess what I passed? Yup, a kidney stone. Isla has a temperature again and is coughing and miserable, but thankfully asleep, Harper is coughing. Ugh.

I have spent 3 hours scrubbing and disinfecting every inch of my house.

Germs begone!

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happy mother-effing mother's day

2010-05-09T03:52:00.000-07:00

I always look forward to Mother's Day, I don't know why. Every year it leaves me in tears, and this year was no different.

I feel a vent coming on.

I told Ian weeks ago that I wanted some stuff for the wii for Mother's Day. Last week I called him and said don't worry about it, I'd rather have money for a seminar I desperately wanted to go to which happened to be on this weekend {which also nicely co-incided with my weekend 'off}.

I had troubles with my PayPal and couldn't pay online for the seminar, but intended on paying at the venue. It started at 10am on Saturday, in Darlinghurst about 60kms from my house.

9.20am and Ian still hasn't arrived to have the girls. I call him, and wake him up - insert cranky face here. He says I told him I wasn't going so he wasn't making any effort to come over early - when he should have taken the girls on Friday night - insert even crankier face here.

He comes over, annoyed I've disturbed his sleep in. He tells me to leave so I can make it in time, but it's already too late, I've missed the first part of the seminar and it was the part I wanted to see the most. Tells me to be back early on Sunday if I want him to mow my lawn, there goes the 2nd day of the seminar.

I go and stay at Mum's. We get some videos and stay home eating popcorn, then chatting until late.

In the meantime, Ian's called me to say Harper's thrown up everywhere. He's shitty at me, why I don't quite know. He calls me back after bathing her, he can't find her panadol. I tell him it's in the linen cupboard, he's shitty at me again because he thinks that's a stupid place to put it {with all the rest of the medicines up high so the girls can't get to it}.

Mother's Day morning I wake up. I am sick as a dog with the flu.

I come home at 1.30 to a house that's a pigsty. The sheets Harp threw up all over are sitting in the laundry festering, not rinsed or washed. The girls have spread their toys {and breakfast} all over the floor. The bath is full of brown vomitty water. There's pizza boxes on my dining table. The girls are still in their pyjamas.

Ian hasn't done anything for me for mother's day. I asked him to take Isla to the shops to pick out a card for me. He says Mother's Day doesn't mean anything to him, but it does to me.

Now Harper has a rash.

I take her to the Drs. They're closed. I didn't take the pram. I have to lug her across the way to another Dr's. It's only viral. Will go away. Give her lots of panadol. The spewing from last night most likely caused by all the phlegm and mucous. Gross.

Buy my Mum & MIL Mother's Day presents. Visit my MIL.

Come home, scrub the bath which took 30 minutes to get clean. Wash all the sheets, do all the washing up, get the girls dinner, get them ready for bed.

I am exhausted. I feel so unappreciated. So unimportant. So disappointed that I didn't get to go to the seminar.

I don't know why I thought this year would be any different, especially considering this is my first Mother's Day as a single Mum. I just honestly thought that with Isla really understanding it all this year that it might have made a difference.

People, are the worst.

2010-05-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things just come crashing down around you.

There's that realisation that this is it. This is what life is going to be like. And it's not what I wanted or how I planned.

To have to learn to live through it all is tough. To have to accept it is even harder still.

I never updated on my psychologist appointments earlier this year. I hate that woman. Hate her. She concluded on my first visit that I was dealing {or not dealing as it would seem} with grief and guilt, and saying I had an adjustment disorder {in regards to Isla's Cerebral Palsy}. Fair call on all counts.

She didn't really ask me many questions, I didn't really know what to say. Whenever I spoke about Isla I burst into tears, which is a common occurrence. This happens whenever I'm asked about her CP, whenever I have to explain how and why it happened. So I explained about my placenta praevia causing me to haemorrhage 13 times, and that blood loss caused Isla's brain damage.

The next week she asked me how my relationships were with other parents. I told her I found it difficult. She rolled her eyes at me and said "Really? What a cop out". She didn't even let me explain why. She didn't even want to understand it from my point of view. She had made her decision before the words had even left my mouth.

She went on to tell me that my attitude was holding Isla back, that I was teaching her to be disabled because of my actions. Because I was only looking at her as a disabled child, not as my daughter. That I had to teach Isla to say, "So what? My legs don't work properly, your brain doesn't work properly". That's a direct quote. Awful, awful woman.

My blood boiled. I knew that instant I wasn't ever going to speak to this woman again.

I've always had the belief that Isla can do whatever she wants. That her diagnosis will not hold her back from doing the things she wants to do. I've never said to her, you can't do that, I have always told her she can try.

I vent my anger and frustrations about her CP here, or through her blog, never to her. Never to my family. Never really to anyone, because I feel like I'm alone. I'm half way between two worlds, and we'll never get to experience the entirety of either. She's barely disabled compared to a lot of other CP children {and I feel masses of guilt for even venting about our issues, because I know comparitively I have a lot to be thankful for} yet she's so very different to the other kids.

I heard that a family member even said that Isla doesn't even have Cerebral Palsy, she just has "diplegia". Come on.

I've had another family member completely dismiss her disability putting it down to her age. Like when I'm talking about things that Isla can't do - like put socks on, for example. Every 5 year old I know can do this. Well, all except Isla.

I go through these stages of highs and lows. I was so excited about the prospect of Isla being able to run in her school cross country on Friday. I took the day off TAFE and went to watch her.

As soon as I saw her sitting amongst the other children my eyes welled up. She was fitting in. Sure, she stood out, and was different, but the children didn't mind. She giggled with her friends, she smiled that beautiful beaming smile. She was excited, and it made my heart swell with pride.

Watching her walk across the oval to the starting line, holding the hand of her aide, she looked so different. I know she walks with the scissored gait that is a trait of those with Spastic Diplegia, but watching her from afar she looked so- well, bad. I've never noticed how pronounced it is. I've never realised just how much her little body twists and contorts just to take a step, so for her to be able to run the Cross Country {or at least be willing to give it a go} was remarkable.

They started running, Isla was holding the hand of her aide. Soon enough all the other children were well ahead of her. She was smiling, she was ecstatic, you could see just pure joy on her beautiful little face.

She ran past me, Ian and my Father-In-Law laughing all the way. She ran past the other parents, and that's when I heard their laughter.

At my daughter.

I broke down. I wanted to scream at them. I wanted to destroy them.

The teachers only let her run one lap, the other kids got to run two. They told Isla that she was the winner. How condescending - like she'd never even realise that every one else had already gone ahead of her.

I ended up leaving. I couldn't stay. We weren't allowed to go and talk to her anyway. Outside the gates I burst into tears. I wailed.

I knew kids could be cruel, but parents? I'm at a loss for words.

Less than 2 weeks until she goes back into orthotics. Her walk will be even more noticeable, she'll fall over a lot more, she'll be a hundred times more awkward. What then?

So right now I'm at a low. I wonder what it will be like for her when she's older, when she reaches her teens and starts showing an interest in boys. Or when her friends want to go ice skating or join a netball team, go on a hike, go to the beach.

This is what I was trying to say to the psychologist. That the parents are harder to deal with than the kids. That to them it's all too intimidating. That you can see pity in their eyes as they look from you to your child. That they don't know the right words to say, and I don't know what to tell them. And those that invite us to parties etc and are interested in Isla we never get to interact with, because while their child is off mastering the slippery dip, or the jumping castle, I'm there with Isla holding her hand because she can't do it alone.

I don't know the point to this entry, other than to get it all out of my head.

My little Isla. I love you with everything that I have. Every day I am proud of you for everything that you've become and all that you will be. I wish with my whole heart that you didn't have to deal with so much already, I wish I could take it all away. I wish that you could just be, without having a label, without having increased needs. I wish you could choose to be different, not be born that way. But you keep on shining, blissfully unaware of what lies ahead, and I hope it stays that way for a while to come.

Autumn.

2010-05-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

I love Autumn. I love the crisp cool air. I love the leaves changing colour on the trees in the park. I love that it's leading up to winter, and away from summer.

I love snuggling down into bed with the doona pulled up to my ears. I love dressing the girls in their winter pyjamas after their bath.

Did I mention that I love that it's no longer summer?

This is my entry to the Blog This Challenge number 43. It's been way, way too long since I've participated with their weekly challenges, although I do read every update, I just seem to forget to get on with it all {story of my life!}.

An afternoon at the park, the sun starting to go down for the day, the green leaves just getting that hint of orange. Perfect.

And for good measure, my favourite photo of right now - little Harper at the park - it's not often she has 'quiet moments' so I love that I finally captured one ♥

Diet? What diet?

2010-04-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I went out for dinner with a girlfriend.

I could not tell you how long it's been since I've been able to do this.

We had a beautiful antipasto platter that was delish, followed by chicken kiev and steamed vegies with mashed potato.

And then {as if that wasn't bad enough} we went to San Churro...Never heard of it? It's a Chocolateria.

Oh heavens!

We had chocolate and churro's and some sort of hazelnut mousse with caramel dipping sauce.

Oh my.

We couldn't finish it, we both thought we were going to be ill, but it was so yummy.

Why do I have no willpower when it comes to chocolate, it's terrible.

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My Place + Yours.

2010-04-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

This weeks theme over at Hello Owl is "what's on your keyring?".

While it's not really my keyring, I have my two hand stamped tags made by my beautiful friend Sammi, from Butterfly Beads. The tags were on my necklace which I continually forgot to wear, and when I did, Harper would pull at it so much I thought it would break. SO now they're safe and sound and always with me ♥

Polly Dolly Challenge.

2010-04-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to join in on the Polly Dolly Challenges over at Danimezza, but continually forget, but not this time - and it gives me a reason to be faffing around on Polyvore for a while.

Oh how I ♥ Polyvore!

This week's theme, "What will your dolly be wearing to a picnic?" and here's mine!

I really love this Alice In Wonderland themed necklace from Asos.com ... wonder whether I can hint at it for Mother's Day?

Brrrr.

2010-04-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

It's so cold.

When Harper and I woke up this morning just after 6am it was 5.3 degrees.

It's not even winter!

Yikes!

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weekend round-up

2010-04-25T15:10:00.001-07:00

Non-rushed shopping trips = 1

Peaceful manicures = 1

Uninterrupted sleeps = 2

Delicious take-away {that didn't have to be shared} = 1

Photographs taken = 0

Assignments completed = -2

Diets totally and utterly destroyed = 1

Weekends cut short = 1

What a waste of a weekend. This was meant to be my weekend "off" - as in without the children. I didn't leave home until 10am {I leave here so that the girls don't have to swap houses when Ian has them}. By the time I had my nails done {by a man, there's a new experience!} and did a spot of shopping, the shops were closing.

I had a nana-nap, which I love the idea of, but in reality leave me cranky and headachey, I can't nap like I used to, and it's the pits.

I went out and had my favourite take-away meal ever, Vietnamese Salt + Pepper chicken -YUM!

I came back and slept early to be up in time for the ANZAC Day Dawn Service. I set my alarm for 2am. I woke up, set my alarm for 5 more minutes, and woke up at 11.17am. I am so upset with myself.

To make matters worse, I had to be home to the girls by 12pm so Ian could play 2-Up with his mate at the pub. Unimpressed.

I wish for a weekend to myself. Friday night to Sunday afternoon.

I had 2 assignments to do this weekend, and wasted every opportunity I had to do them.

Gah!

/rant

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Lest We Forget

2010-04-25T01:34:00.001-07:00

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.

Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall not grow old, as those that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn,

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Lest We Forget.

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My place + yours.

2010-04-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

This is my first time playing My Place & Yours from the lovely blog of Hello Owl. This weeks theme is Where do you blog?

Well, here it is.

Not too exciting, but it is here that I spent my nights when the girls are tucked up in their beds, doing my editing, trawling etsy, assignments and blogging...

It's pretty much in the middle of my house, in the middle of my open kitchen and dining room. It's also next to the entry to the lounge room, and about a metre to my backdoor. Directly behind me is my bedroom. All bases covered, I can keep an eye on both the children and dinner cooking if need be.

I'd actually like to get a much bigger desk with drawers and a massive pin board above it. I was thinking last night of taking the overhead shelf off the table, but couldn't find the appropriate screwdriver, which is a good thing I guess, it's depressingly small and lifeless as is...at least I can put my touches on the shelf!

So there you have it...now you know!

They don't either.

2010-04-20T05:29:00.001-07:00

I've never been one to flip through magazines and wish I looked like the girls on those pages...Obviously I've had those fleeting thoughts of "I wish I could fit into that dress" or "I love that haircut" but I know many, many young women {and men too for that matter} aspire to the projected image of beauty {I think I'm just too lazy to care!} - those beautiful young twenty-somethings, living a most exciting and glamorous life as portrayed on our magazine pages and billboards, size 0 and all that jazz...

This video, created for the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, has done the rounds lately, but it's a real eye-opener.

This is the sort of thing we're learning to do at TAFE, we have a files of models who are no bigger than a size 8-10 and we've learnt how to shave inches off their waistlines...how to lift those eyebrows and enlarge their busts...how to airbrush their beautiful skin...

While it's interesting to learn these techniques, it's also quit disturbing that they're actually required in the first place, more than required, it's expected.

So watch the video, and don't feel so bad for not looking like the girls in the magazine, because even they don't.

There are two reasons why I don't swim in the ocean...

2010-04-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

Actually make it three.

Reason number one, first and foremost, the sand in the fork. You know what I'm talking about.

Reason two, this monstrosity of a fish, caught off the Australian Eastern coast...how hideously scary is this hammerhead shark! Eep!

And reason number three, apparently there is an even bigger shark swimming around merrily as we speak.

shudder.

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eight years.

2010-04-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today, I lost my friend Luke.

We'd been all the way through school together, all the way from Kindergarten 'til year 12.

It was the result of a freak accident. He had a fall through a construction site, and hit his head. He didn't break any bones, but his brain swelled. He died in hospital a short time after surgery. He was only 20.

I sit here today and think of all the fun times we've had together, like how he always picked me in his team in SLR...how we'd walk down the school driveway together...how he asked me to the Year 6 farewell..when he bought me an elephant money box {I was obsessed with elephants at the time}...how we went to the movies in year 10 and he did the ol' yawn while putting his arm around me. I still laugh whenever I think of that. Or how he always wore his shoelaces the cool way, or how he was so loved by everyone at school...or how he was just a great guy.

I remember the last time I saw him, at the Workers, one Friday night. I was so happy to see him, he ran up to me while I sat at the table and picked me up to hug me - chair and all.

And then when he passed away, the strange things that were happening. Like the lady at Jean Pierre's who told his Mum that she knows that she'd lost her son and that he wanted her to know that he was okay. Or when after his funeral, every radio station we switched on was playing the Red Hot Chilli Peppers simultaneously {his favourite band}. Or when I was at work alone one day and the click-clack radio I had on display started crackling, played Soul to Squeeze then faded, crackled and turned itself off {this freaked me right out, it still gives me chills to think about it}. Just the little things that let us know he's still around.

I miss you Luke. I think of you all the time...my life is richer for knowing you. ♥

{This pic is of us at our Yr 6 Farewell, 1993}

Do you hear that?

2010-04-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

No?

Really?

That's surprising, it's so freaking loud in my house, I'm shocked that you, wherever you may be, cannot hear that eardrum piercing scream of an over tired 16 month old who has been awake since 4am.

Ugh.

I think I could list a MILLION things I would rather listen to. Maybe 2 million.

She would be asleep, if it weren't for her sister tripping over a big box of toys that I asked her to put away a thousand times today already {and that is not an exaggeration}.

Go to sleep already.

To make matters worse I have the flu. Isla was up until 2am on Monday night, then Harper woke at 4am that morning too. Isla ended up in my bed last night too.

Will we ever have normal sleep patterns again?

This is the pits.

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today, we'll play.

2010-04-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

Today has been good. Really, really, really good.

Like a happy, smiley day of goodness.

The girls and I made a cubby from blankets and dining chairs and just played.

They're at Ian's now. The house is eerie without them - even though they'd both be sound asleep, it's still just different. Quiet.

I miss them.

But, they'll return around 6am so Ian can help someone move house...I should have gone to bed hours ago to make the most of an empty house, to get a full 12 hours sleep with no-one to clean up after, no one to re-settle in the middle of the night, etc, etc...but here I am.

And, because I'm such a party animal, when they left this afternoon I cleaned out their wardrobes. Then I emptied four of their toy boxes and threw out all the junk they've accumulated. Then I showered. Alone. With the door shut. Then I cooked dinner for myself, when I was hungry. Then I watched a movie. And cleaned the house.

Life on the edge.

I don't really post many things about Isla on here, mainly because she has her own blog, so here's my sweet, sweet 5 year old girl.

My eyes!

2010-04-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

No, no, no, no no.

I took the girls to the shops today, and as I live in what I think may well be the epicentre of bogans in Australia, there are always many unusual and at times, disturbing outifts.

A lady walked ahead of me today, and I swear she was channelling Amy Winehouse. She had the eyeliner, the beehive, the tattoos. She was wearing a ripped open t-shirt which revealed a manky ill-fitting black bra and muffin top over the waist of her three sizes too small tights, knee high plastic boots with safety pins holding them together where the zipper had burst.

She was a sight to behold.

Notice I didn't mention a skirt, or pants, or shorts or any other form of waist-down clothing? Well, that's because she wasn't wearing any. And what was worse than a muffin top escaping over a waistband, there was a diamonte g-banger exposed at the back.

I toyed with the idea of taking a snap of her to share with you all, but feared she may actually turn "Wino" on me and then I'd be in a whole world of trouble, so my descriptions will have to suffice.

While the whole ensemble was disturbing, the worst part of it all was this woman was trying to pass off a pair of tights as pants, and this my friends, is not cool.

In fact, it's so uncool, that there's a website dedicated to these people who have this problem, it's called Tights are not pants, a site I found after reading a similar blog post on Just Me. If I may quote the website, "tights are the fashion equivalent of too much information". Amen to that.

It seems this problem is world-wide.

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PS I can't even begin to tell you what I had to trawl through to find an image...eep!

saboteur

2010-04-07T01:56:00.000-07:00

So, last week I had a less than admirable week on WW given there was so much damn chocolate around and I have zero will power.

This week, I'm trying to turn it all around and be good. I made a really healthy stir fry for lunch and dinner. Resisted the ice cream Isla had as a treat for dessert...I thought about it, I looked up the points value and said to myself, "no, you don't need it. You don't want it. You don't even particularly like it" and moved on.

Then my phone rings. It's Ian. "Go to the end of your driveway", he instructs.

I go outside and wait.

The first words out of his mouth were, "I know you're doing well on your diet, but I have something for you...".

Then he produced a large tub of Homer Hudson Chocolate Rock ice cream.

I could have killed him.

Have you had it before? It's divine. So rich, so decadent, so naughty. Velvety chocolate ice cream with massive chunks of rich, dark chocolate. Drooooooool.

He said he always checks when he goes to the supermarket and they never have it, but tonight they did, and he bought it.

Oh the conflict within!

Do I take it, do I scoff the whole damn lot? Do I eat just a small portion and bin the rest?

What do I do in the face of my worst enemy? Why is HE doing this to me? Is he testing me? Is he trying to see how serious I am about making these changes in my life? Why is he torturing me with Chocolate?

I told him to take it away. I'm doing well, I'm making an effort, this is serious. He said "It's just going to get thrown in the bin". Argh! At least eat the damn thing, enjoy it so I can live vicariously through you.

But oh how delicious it would have been.

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I love a good Fail.

2010-04-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

So here are two of my favourites for you.

This Catch Phrase has me in hysterics every time I see it...

And while my mind is in the gutter, how about a quick game of Wheel Of Fortune?

see more Epic Fails

Death By chocolate.

2010-04-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

I love Easter. Usually. Probably the last 27 of my 28 years on Earth, Easter has been something to look forward to.

This year, not so much.

I have a massive case of dieter's remorse.

Forgive me scales, for I have sinned.

I bought the kids crap chocolate for Easter {bad Mummy!} but in my defence, they're not really chocolate eaters, and I thought, the worse it tastes, the less likely I am to eat every.last.morsel.

My plan worked...until this morning when the girls arrived home from Ian's with bags full of Cadbury goodness. Thankfully {or maybe not} the girls, Harper in particular, demolished pretty much their entire stash in a few minutes tops.

Harp didn't even stop to remove the foil, she quickly cottoned on to the distinct "fit-fit" noise one makes when actively trying to spit foil out of one's mouth...

But I digress.

My lounge room floor was covered in foil from the egg eating rampage. I picked up what mini eggs I could see rolling about {fleeing for their lives it would appear} and vacuumed up the rest of the debris. I put them aside for the girls for later.

Then I thought, just one.

One more won't hurt.

Three really isn't that bad.

I mean come on it's Easter, surely I can have 4 eggs.

Well, if I skip lunch then 5 don't really count...

I am planning on going to the Easter Show this week, so that alone is a few hours of walking time....so 6 eggs....

Bleurgh.

I stopped counting after 6. I am sure it was less than 20. surely.

Gah..I can feel my waist expanding just thinking about it.

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Scott Baio is 45 and single

2010-04-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

Who gives a shit?

Ugh.

If I may use the voice of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons, "Worst television show, ever".

Is the world seriously that short on entertainment? If it's not bad enough that this show even exists, W channel is showing a marathon. Give me strength.

I'm not anti-Baio, although I'm too young to remember Happy Days, I did really LOVE Charles in Charge when I was a kid, and I did love his character Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development, but c'mon, a tv series dedicated to this man's shitty dating life is terrible...

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Harper.

2010-04-01T04:46:00.000-07:00

♥ Random Harper love ♥

Today we walked up to Isla's school for the Easter Hat Parade. Harp couldn't wait to get out of the pram to find Isla, but with 200+ students all wearing big, feathery, glittery hats and bonnets, poor Harp didn't stand a chance, she stood on the oval, calling out "Iyah {the Harper version of Isla}...ummm, Iyah!!!".

She was such a good girl sitting in the heat at the parade, so afterwards I took her to the park for a run around. She bolted from one end of the park all the way back up the other end to the climbing equipment, and went crazy.

Here she is, on her favourite, the see-saw. She looked so sweet in her little denim dress that I sat on the opposite end to take her photo, completely forgetting exactly how a see-saw worked, you know, something heavy on one end makes the other end go up?! Luckily, Harp was holding on, which literally prevented her from being catapulted into the next suburb, such was the force I sat on this thing with...

Miss Harp, you're growing too fast, my blue eyed girl ♥ best viewed large :)

Icky?

2010-03-31T04:03:00.000-07:00

I can't work out if this is beautiful, or gross.

Maybe it's both.

I don't know quite how I found these images of Seattle's Gum Wall while searching for an appropriate background for a photo compositing tutorial, but I really love them yet I'm grossed out at the same time.

All those colourful splodges are, you guessed it, chewing gum. It's inches thick. I could think nothing worse than accidentally touching this germ fest. *shudder*.

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reflections.

2010-03-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

I took a series of photographs for TAFE last night, my chosen theme was reflections, I thought I'd share this one with you. Something so serene about reflections in a puddle.

I apologise in advance for changing my photo's to distorted polariods, I've had some images nicked off here!

Even if you've never been there...

2010-03-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

these images will move you.

I was poking around the Sydney Children's Hospital fan page on Facebook and stumbled upon this slideshow of images from 24hrs at the SCH titled, "A Day In The Life" by photographer, Israel Smith.

Beautiful, emotional, real.

8.1

2010-03-23T16:51:00.001-07:00

kilo's down.

Way to go me!

I am less than a kilo away from dropping a BMI group - from obese (oh the shame) to overweight.

4 weeks of tracking everything I've eaten. I haven't really done much exercise (and I should be doing it!), it's all been food choices and simple substitutions.

♥

update

2010-03-21T01:56:00.000-07:00

Things are going well around here :)

After almost 4 weeks doing WW, I've dropped a dress size and over 6kgs {I say over because I weigh in on Tuesday, and last Tuesday I was 6kgs down :) }. Still a l o n g way to go, but I'm getting there and enjoying it.

Feeling really good.

FINALLY started learning and doing things at TAFE, for so long we were just *there*, but not really doing anything at all really.

Harper starts daycare on Tuesday, I think she's going to love it, time will tell.

Isla's doing so well at school.

Happy little household ♥

Here are some photo's of the orange sky tonight...I think I'm a little obsessed with sky photo's, but it looked like the clouds were on fire. Amazing.